The Real Reason She Posted That Video - A Letter From Kerry

 Kerry Alayne, here. I am taking this week to write a personal letter to each and every one of you. First of all, I have to specifically address my sincere appreciation to you for taking the time if you have become a subscriber and enjoy the content we send. I am forever grateful for your support.

I want to take this week and clear up my reasoning and intention behind the recent *vulnerable* video I posted on The Obsessive Outsiders Instagram. The intension behind this movement has always been about showing OCD Recovery in a positive light - because I, as well as many other patients in OCD Recovery live such freeing lives now compared to the past. One of the main reasons I started all of this is because I didn't see much positivity or uplifting, lighthearted content in the mental health/illness world. I grew tired and depressed as I scrolled through my feed and saw disturbing, distressing, images and with no offense intended - sympathy and pity parties about their mental disorder and/or illness. I personally couldn't take it if I wanted to stay on a healthy path. I don't want to just see the bad - I want to find the good, the strength in how to overcome this chronic illness.

I have never wanted pity for my mental illness. That was the entire reason I didn't speak up about it or defend myself for years - until I was in recovery and ready to C L A P B A C K.  People only knew about my OCD if I had to explain my erratic behavior or if I decided to share one-one-one. I didn't want attention, sympathy, or to bring any comfort to my disorder. I wanted it gone.

Therefore, my platform comes off strongly in the opposite direction of most mental health platforms - finding a solution, not just continuing to discuss the problem. 

The Obsessive Outsiders is a mental health movement that is rooted in realness - but that doesn't mean it has to be negative just because the stigma is negative. I want to provide you with inspiration, and encouragement to form the belief that OCD Recovery is very real and help push you to actively pursue that life and take the actions and tools out there to do so.

With that said - back to the video. The response I got from the video was OVERWHELMING. The video has been viewed over 700 times compared to our typical 200+ times - the comments and direct messages have been endless. As grateful as I am for all of this, most people reached out to me saying they were there for me, that I will get through this hard time, that they were all praying for me, reminding me things get better, to stay strong, that I was brave and that I am not alone.

All this is great - but none of those are the reasons or intentions that were behind the video. It wasn't for attention or support at all. It was to film a very personal, vulnerable video of me in a moment of true despair to show you that even I still go through these hard times battling with relapses and temptations that will sink me back into being more sick than I ever was if I don't nip them in the bud. 

The goal was to show you guys nothing more than that I am no stronger than any of you, but most of all that even in my weakest moments, I am not giving into those compulsions. No matter how bad the anxiety is in that moment, you must look up, breathe and keep doing whatever it is that you're doing because you know that anxiety is only temporary and it will pass, regardless if you perform the compulsion or not. 

I wanted to capture my strength even in the weakest moments of OCD, in hopes that it will inspire YOU to do the same next time you have a weak moment. 

Showing off my public, no makeup-face (EEEK) vulnerability is more than worth it to me if it can inspire you to see me in those moments staying strong in my recovery.

Always here for you guys. Thanks for letting me get personal this week and showing me the extent to which you guys support both me and the movement I've started. 

- Kerry